In 1967 a white man in Virginia, named Loving, sued the state of Virginia for the right to marry a Black woman. Since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down anti-miscegenation laws nationwide, in the aftermath of the Civil Rights & Voting Rights Acts, Black men, in the United States, have married outside of their race more than the men of all other races combined. To what do we owe this unique attraction that the male descendants of ex-slaves have for women with whom had they been caught 75 years ago would have resulted in instant lynching? Asked another way, why do Black men choose not to marry their own women?
Although we see this unfortunate state of affairs taking place on the celebrity level at an increased rate, the truth of the matter is that even middle-class Black men desire a wife of European stock. The answer to this social predicament is rather obvious, has it roots in historical oppression and is the natural outgrowth of self-hatred. Black men, having suffered emasculation more than any other male population in United States history, is constantly longing for approval from the greater white society, and in particular for a validation of their manhood. For many Black men, the desire for social approval, especially from whites, increases with the degree of their economic, occupational and material success. Thusly, the desire to be “treated” and “perceived” as “equal” tends to intensify as the Black man attempts to validate himself by “copying” the white man in all other spheres of life but yet the stain of inferiority and inequality remains stamped upon his unconscious. Thusly, to cope with this internal and unconscious pain of inferiority the psychologically crippled Black man seeks the white woman’s hand in marriage principally as a means of achieving validation and acceptance into white culture.
Despite the reality that he will never be integrated, accommodated or acculturated into the greater white societal structure, he is now able to cope because he now goes home to a symbolic representation of the white world, the white female. When she tells him that she loves him, when she stares with blue or green eyes into his soul, he has a mental orgasm that implies, although erroneously, that he has finally achieved acceptance into the White world. Obviously, the implications of low self-esteem and racial self-hatred cannot be overstated in this discussion. Having been reviled, mistreated, marginalized and outcast for most of his life; after receiving his education and career placement he now feels that it is possible to rejoin the same society that has rejected him.
Without question, Black men married to white women would argue to the contrary, as no human being will readily admit to hating himself. However, despite the “love” argument, which implies that the accident of nature and spirit brought them together, we find socioeconomic reasons for why White women marry Black men. Simply put, approximately 98% of the White women married to Black men have gained within the arrangement a financial quality of life benefit that these Black men tend to ignore. White women primarily marry Black men from whom they can gain something. Take a quick look at the all-to-prevalent NBA and NFL marriages and you will find dark-skinned, nappy-headed men married to blonde haired Ango-Saxon model-type beauties. Would this have even been possible had he not been a millionaire? How many instances can we point to White women marrying down in socioeconomic status? If love is blind, why is it so difficult to find a rich White woman married to a poor Black man? Interracial relationships between Black men and non-African women is about self-hatred, rejection of Black women and financial exploitation by these non-African women who use the Black man’s lust for white acceptance as a means of getting rich.
If we look at Tiger Woods, we find a Black man who self-identified as a “Cablanasian.” Part this and part that, but when he entered court being sued by his estranged European wife all the judge saw was another rich Black man who seemingly forgot that being married to a White women is a privilege which can and will be taken away whenever you attempt to take her for granted, like you do with your own Black women. Only 1:4 Black women will get married their lifetime. Given society’s commitment to the mass incarceration, mis-education, effiminization/homosexualization and extermination of Black men this trend does not appear to be heading for a reverse anytime soon.
With so few available Black men left in our communities, Black women who want to marry, have children and raise families are now finding themselves in illegitimate polygamous arrangements with unintended consequences. Black women have been the foundation of the Black community since our days in the Peculiar Institution. It has been our mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, and Queen Mothers of the community who risked, and lost, their lives to protect Black men; how dare we dishonor them by going outside of our race for marital satisfaction.
Lastly, we must be aware of the desire for the Black man to express his disdain for his racial genotype/phenotype by bringing a bi-racial child into the world who will look more European than himself. Thusly, he no longer has to be reminded of his dark-skin, broad lips, and nappy hair when he gazes upon his posterity. Quite the opposite, if he is lucky – as nature has the final say, he will be pleased to be a White baby with only traces of African stock, and this makes him happy. Love is not blind, and marriage arrangements are financial institutions that have little to do with emotions. However, the Black woman has to be careful in how she raises her son and imparts to him standards of beauty. For all long as the bulk of Black women spend the greater part of their disposable income on Korean-controlled beauty products, trying to look “more white,” they should not be surprised to find that their sons have chosen to trade in the false “want-to-be/trying-to-be” sister for the real thing. You must value your unique Africanity Queen, or you conversely teach your sons that White women are better. “My Mama wasn’t good enough, so guess who I’m bringing to dinner?”
By Umar R. Abdullah-Johnson, Nationally Certified School Psychologist